Dude, My Girlfriend is such a Liar

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Dude.My girlfriend is such a liar. That's why I'm breaking up with her. :/

Really? Why? :O

She said she slept with her sister last night. >.

So? It's simple as that. There is nothing to be worried about bro. They're just sisters. :)

But I was the one that slept with her sister that same night. Such a liar. >:(

Dude. You are the one that fucked up O_O

Men are like...

-Men are like - Floor Tiles
If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years!
-Men are like - Bank Accounts
Without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest.
-Men are like -Blenders
You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
-Men are like - Chocolate Bars
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
-Men are like -Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
-Men are like -Commercials
You can’t believe a word they say.
-Men are like -Computers ,,,)
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory
-Men are like - Eskys
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
-Men are like -Copiers
You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.
-Men are like -Curling Irons
They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.
-Men are like -Government Bonds
They take so long to mature.
-Men are like -High Heels
They’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
-Men are like -Horoscopes
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
-Men are like - Lava Lamps
Fun to look at, but not all that bright!
-Men are like -Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
-Men are like - Parking Spots
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
-Men are like -Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
-Men are like - Place Mats
They only show up when there’s food on the table.
-Men are like - Snow Storms
You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long they'll last.
-Men are like - Used Cars
Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable.
-Men are like - ATM’s
Once they withdraw they lose interest.
-Men are like -Bananas
The older they get, the less firm they are.
-Men are like -Newborn Babies
They’re cute at first, but you get tired of cleaning up their crap.
-Men are like - Crystal
Some look really good, but you can still see right through them.
-Men are like - Dry Cleaners
Most work fast and leave no ring.
-Men are like - Laxatives
They irritate the shit out of you.

She's Broke = He's Ok

Very simply illustrating that a girl with no money will date any guy as long as he has money. Pay off her bills, buy her dinner, lend her your credit card and she'll be your best friend for as long as the money still flows. If the guy's money run out or he decides not to be an atm she'll leave and find another sucker. Sad but true.

THE MAN’S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH

She Says... /She Means...

We need / I want

It’s your decision. / The correct decision should be

obvious by now.

Do that you want. / You’ll pay for this later.

We need to talk. / I need to complain.

I’m not upset. / Of course I’m upset, you moron!

You’re.. . so manly. / You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You’re certainly attentive tonight. / Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights. / I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient. / I want a new house.

I want new curtains.. / and carpet and furniture and wallpaper...

Hang the picture there. / NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise. / I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? / I’m going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? / I did something today you’re really not going to like.

I’ll be ready in a minute. / Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Are you listening to me!? / Too late, you’re dead.

Yes / No

No / No

Maybe / No

Do you like this recipe? / It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

Quiet Man & Quiet Woman

"A QUIET MAN IS A THINKING MAN."

"A QUIET WOMAN IS USUALLY MAD."

How to Brush Like a Man

Brush your teeth to the MAX. Hard core rock on Colgate extreme.